She'll Learn
by WP
Summary: No one wants to die alone. Where would you go? WT


She'll Learn  
  
Tara Maclay jumped at the loud, single knock on her lonely dorm room door. She'd only moved in a few days ago, she was lucky enough to get a room at such short notice when she had. left Willow.  
  
It still made her ill to just think it. It was so surreal. She never pictured leaving Willow or vice versa, she truly believed they were forever.  
  
She pushed thoughts of the failed relationship away and pulled open the door. Her mind fought to register the train wreck in front of her. Willow was leaning heavily on the doorframe, barely standing with a constant stream of blood flowing from her nose.  
  
Tara tried to speak but she was just too shocked and then the frail redhead collapsed inwards, the blonde barely managed to catch her before the momentum pulled them both to the floor.  
  
Tara could hear Willow's laboured breathing. She was wheezing, definitely not healthy. She shifted so she could get Willow fully in the room.  
  
It seemed to sink in as she sat back and took in her ex. She was just withering on floor.  
  
Tara couldn't move. This was it. She was actually going to watch the woman she loved die.  
  
Willow tried to make eye contact with Tara. She was in excruciating pain. There was a searing white-hot pain all through her body but especially around her middle. She was trying to focus long enough to make some kind of sound but she kept holding her breath to try and block out the pain. Tara looked so scared, she wanted to say something, to help but she couldn't even remember how words were formed.  
  
Her blue eyes were trapped in green. Feeling seemed to return to her body and mind. She found her voice and rushed to Willow's side. Her face was crimson and her eyes bulged, she wasn't breathing.  
  
"W-willow, Will, B-breath. It's o-ok, just breathe." She begged.  
  
Willow gasped in air and cried out.  
  
Tara let out a small breath of relief. She moved the red locks from Willow's face and grabbed a washcloth from the chair next to her. She dabbed under nose trying to clear away the blood but it seemed to just get replaced slowly. She had to get Willow sitting so the blood wasn't just running down her throat, it'd make her sick.  
  
"Y-you have to sit up, t-try and help." She cursed her stutter. It'd been gone for so long but now she was scared and not secure it was back.  
  
It wasn't hard to lean Willow up against the bed, it was worrying how light she had become. She was always petite but she was literally wasting away.  
  
Willow fought to hold her head up to look at Tara. "What's happening to me?" She croaked out failing to hide her fear.  
  
It was then Tara felt yet more horror settle in her. Willow didn't get attacked or know what was wrong. That meant there was some kind of illness attacking her and with this being the hellmouth Tara doubted it was natural.  
  
"I don't know. What have you done today?" She asked hoping to get some kind of a clue. It was obvious she hadn't been at home, she must have been out somewhere near by to come to her door.  
  
Willow took a few deep breaths, building up the energy and courage to talk. "I was going to meet Amy." She said quietly with guilt tainting her voice.  
  
"To go out do more irresponsible magick?" Tara bit her tongue but not soon enough to stop that one comment.  
  
Willow couldn't look at her true love's disappointed eyes. She knew what she said was right, she'd known since she got home that morning that she was abusing magick, that magick was abusing her.  
  
"That's what's killing me isn't it?" Her soft voice was laced in bitterness.  
  
Tara felt tears burning her eyes, "You're not dying." She said trying to convince herself more than Willow.  
  
"I think am. I deserve it." She paused trying to hold back sobs. "I don't want to die." And the dam broke for both the broken hearted Wicca's.  
  
Tara fought to form words through her grief. "W-we have to get y-you t-to the hospital."  
  
Willow shook her head slowly, "They can't do anything. Why do you think I came here?" She asked rhetorically. "I needed to see you one last time. Tell you that-" She had to pause as pain shot through her chest. "That I'm sorry I ruined our lives."  
  
Tara didn't know what to say to that. She did hurt them both terribly. Tara wouldn't deny that. Instead she listened.  
  
Willow felt the need to try and explain her actions while she still could.  
  
"I never set out to be so reckless but. when Glory hurt you.I had to protect you. I had to protect everyone. I failed Buffy and worse of all I failed you. I just got so used to using magicks for trivial things and it made my powers grow and I thought that was good, that the more power I had the better I could keep you safe. I was wrong and I hurt you more. I am sorry."  
  
Tara was locked on Willow's emerald eyes. She knew she was giving a heart- felt apology, somehow making them both feel better but Tara kicked herself. She never paused to think how Willow coped with her. mental instability for so long.  
  
Tara pushed her thoughts aside and looked Willow over. She had given up trying to hold her head up and let it rest on the bed behind her. She was sickly pale and sweat covered her face. Tara wasn't ready for this. She wasn't just going to sit back and let fate take her soul mate.  
  
She stroked Willow's cheek. In return Willow let her eyes close as she relaxed from the simple touch. Her breathing was becoming slower. Willow herself was partly ready for the end. She'd fought so hard, she'd gone through so much and she'd made some kind of peace with the woman she loved. Tara, however, was far from ready to give the love of her life up.  
  
The blonde took Willow's weight and eased her onto the floor. She scooted round to her side and looked her in the eye. "It's ok." She whispered to quite any worries.  
  
She put one hand on the top of Willow's head and the other on her stomach. She gently kissed Willow's eyelids before a small, savouring kiss on her still silky lips. She then put her forehead on Willow's and focussed.  
  
She prayed to the Goddess, begged her not to take away her most valued loved one  
  
She let memories of the last few years flash through her mind. All those times she noticed the red head on the UC Sunnydale campus, the first day at the 'wicca' group, the first time they connected and combined powers, their first kiss, hug, night in each others arms.  
  
Tears coursed down her face and mingled into Willow's hair. She soon felt Willow shaking beside her. Tara sat up and looked at the frail form in front of her. She was sobbing. Oh goddess, it hadn't worked. How could she do this to her? Tara had been nothing but sincere and loyal since she was 5.  
  
"Will, where does it h-hurt?" She asked in preparation to a powerful healing spell she knew. She'd memorized it for emergencies, never truly believing she'd use it.  
  
Willow finally pried open her crying eyes. "Everywhere." She sobbed. "What did I do?"  
  
Tara looked at her with panic and confusion. She wasn't dying. She wasn't going to die!  
  
"I deserved it all, Tara. You have to get rid of my powers, you have to bind them." She begged.  
  
Tara ignored everything she said. She wasn't interested in words and pleas, she only wanted to know her Willow was really ok. She dived forward and hugged Willow furiously.  
  
Willow was taken aback. It felt so comforting to be in Tara's arms again.  
  
She felt a deep guilt and regret. How could she have jeopardised this relationship? She stopped herself from thinking there. She didn't know for sure she had Tara back.  
  
Willow gently stroked her silky blonde hair. "Tara?" She cringed at how pathetic her voice was.  
  
Tara tightened her grip and squeezed her eyes shut. "Y-you can't go back to abusing it. The goddess, she w-won't listen to m-me again. I don't want you to die, Will." She then buried her face in Willow's hair, savouring it while she still could.  
  
Willow finally relaxed into the death grip embrace. The tension inside her broke and she breathed in relief.  
  
"I'm done, Tara. I don't want power. I just want a life with you." Willow couldn't help but find some humour. Whenever one had to fall apart, the other managed to suck it up and comfort them.  
  
Tara quickly pulled back far enough to grasp Willow's face in her hands, "Don't you ever do that to me again!" She exclaimed without the hunt of a stutter.  
  
Willow's expression was sullen, "I won't." She promised.  
  
Tara sighed and let her forehead rest on Willow's. "What are you thinking?" she asked.  
  
"That I don't deserve to have you saving me."  
  
"Y-you deserve a lot. You're just so protective you l-let it get you into trouble." Tara told her softly.  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes just relaxing in each other's presence until Willow spoke.  
  
"Am I. Can I. I can't believe I'm asking, or trying to but I don't really kn-"  
  
Tara interrupted to stop Willow's babbling "Shut up and kiss me." 


End file.
